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Ashley Robinson on the stress of wearing a mask and no undies

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My mum always told me when I went out, to make sure my undies were clean and I had a handkerchief because her theory was you never know when you might end up in hospital.

I mostly took that advice, apart from the other day when I had a very long stint at work from about 3am until 3pm. It was Sunshine Coast Marathon day and by the time I got home, I felt like I had run in it.

Old mate went out to do some shopping and I got changed and did the vacuuming and split the fork in my board shorts. When she came back, I decided to ride my bike up to the bottle shop to get a beer and correct – I didn’t change my shorts. Also, I had no undies on. I thought, what could possibly happen in a less than two-kilometre round trip.

So up I went and on arrival, realised I had left my mask at home, but thankfully right beside the counter they had a box of them, so I leant over and grabbed one just as a boofhead told me masks were useless and it was all bullshit.

My first thought was to say, “Are you a doctor in your other life, because you look like a concreter?” But I weighed up the no-undie thing and decided to just laugh at his funny joke.

The lady beside me said something I didn’t catch, but the COVID expert did and away it went. He got quite aggressive but she wasn’t copping it and I was basically in the middle and all I could think about was, “If this bloke knocks me out I am going to be transported to hospital with no undies on and a fair chance of some part of my anatomy hanging out, which should keep all the medical staff amused”.

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He ended up walking outside where he had two other mates with him and I walked the lady to her car where she then proceeded to tell her husband what the genius said to her, so then he fired up.

I then weighed up leaving him to sort it or hang around so I sort of did half. I waited while everyone sledged each other and then rode off in between them, my theory being if I leave my helmet on he has less chance of knocking me out, but if he does maybe I can leave it on so nobody recognises me?

I am sure mum would have had a laugh in between telling me I told you so.

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