Joanne Wilson: How to avoid the 12 relationship stiflers of Christmas

Christmas time is here. A time of love, of compassion, of togetherness and often, of barely constrained arguments. Healthy relationships are the underpinning of our mental health, so I’ve summarised all the seasonal relationship stiflers I notice in the counselling room.

1. Exhausted and stressed: Recognise your automatic response to overwhelm and how you turn up in your relationship. What are your self-compassion to-do’s to help maintain the best version of you?
2. Differing Christmas holiday expectations: Communicate your plan B now that international cruising or your white Christmas is off the agenda. Discuss if you’re expecting me-time, family time or party time so you both achieve the best Christmas outcome.
3. Christmas party pitfalls: A quick text to the partner not attending the work Christmas party will never go astray to convey you haven’t been captured by Santa’s naughty elves at 3 am.
4. Temptation and infidelity: A huge devastation to the wellbeing of you and your partner that impacts generations. Lying by omission counts.
5. Colliding financial values: Short or in surplus? Respectfully communicate how you’d like to manage this so you both get a piece of the pie chart.
6. Misalignment: Regularly check-in on the status of your relationship and how you can each make it through to the 2020 finish line unscathed?
7. Lack of self-confidence: If you can’t confidently assert your needs in your relationship, you’ll get lost along the way.
8. Poor communication style: Have you fallen into the habit of globalising statements such as, “You always…” or “You never…”? Santa knows the truth and it’s likely not always! Use your feeling words to convey the impact of other’s behaviours.
9. Conflict avoidance: Do you employ a healthy approach that ensures respect and kindness even when disagreeing?
10. Lack of self-regulation: If you’re unable to control your rage or become overly emotional, learn self-control strategies and check for any unregulated toxic self-talk.
11. Snubbing your partner’s family: They’re a special part of your partner so embrace or tolerate them lovingly with respect and kindness.
12. Fear: Uncontrolled fear will have you paralysed and missing out on all there is to look forward to in 2021. How can you intentionally and courageously regain control and be a united force next year?

This column is from Joanne Wilson, the Relationship Rejuvenator and author of Renovate Your Relationship