I have some life advice after receiving stitches to my chin and recovering from concussion: do not go on banana boats.
You see, I was trying to be the ‘cool and fun mum’ on our family holiday in Fiji.
So, I bribed my whole family to come on a banana boat ride with wild promises of crazy times ahead. I promised prime fun.
I talked up a big game of lifelong memories, thanks to bouncing laughter at sea.
It turns out the memories were more nightmares after we all came flying off that big banana boat that was travelling way too fast and sent us splayed like little ants into the wide, deep ocean.
My middle son was screaming in fear and pain. My youngest son was trembling at the thought of getting back on the banana. And my daughter was looking at me like I was the devil.
But it was me (thankfully) who copped the hardest hit when we landed on the water surface.
I was about to black out as the hit was so hard and the life jacket buckle had sliced my chin open.
As blood gushed into the ocean, all I could think was: “Oh great, we are all going to be eaten by sharks. This is not the fun family ride I promised.”
Those beautiful Fijian young men got us out of the water and back to the local nurse on the island for stitches to my chin as I vomited.
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I was very much feeling punch drunk and do not remember too much of it all (which is just as well as the nurse had no anaesthetic for the stitches). “How painful could it be?” I thought to myself in my delirious state.
The nurse then asked me, “Are you from New Zealand? You have such tough skin, I am struggling to get the needle through your chin.” This was not what I wanted to hear.
The stitches took ages as the nurse kept putting the needle down to chat to my husband about the secret to a great marriage.
I could not talk as I was ‘out of it’ and it was my chin getting the stitches, but I wanted to scream at my husband that perhaps the secret to a good marriage would be to tell the nurse to hurry up.
Finally, the stitches were done and the family went off to the buffet dinner while I went back to the room with whiplash, concussion and a bruised face.
Banana boats: the work of the devil, I tell you! ‘Cool and fun mum’ may never make an appearance again.
Sami Muirhead is a (now retired) radio announcer, blogger and commentator, wife and mum of three.
