Ant movement is the latest topic that Old Mate is an expert in.
She has become fascinated with the comings and goings of ant colonies.
Of course, our place during the alleged Cyclone Alfred crisis was perfect to study her new hobby: with 29 birds inside the house, there was bird seed and debris to attract the laziest of ants.
There were plenty of them around the house to keep the resident myrmecologist (the fancy name for ant expert) busy.
So, she was amazed when, the day after the cyclone passed, all the ants had disappeared.
She probably told me at least 20 times about that phenomenon, with statements like: “They know more than the weather forecasters” which, in my view, is not that phenomenal.
Anyway, we put away all the Mortein arsenal and moved on.
Just to digress … when I thought I was retiring, I mentioned to her I would need a car, thinking a Hilux GR or Mustang.
She agreed and bought me a car: a 2001 Triton 2×4 ute, telling me I had had my turn on wasting money on cars.
I had to agree, and I actually like my little ute which was owned by a little old man who drove to church on Sundays – in Perth, as it’s done 265,000km.
But it does go well, and I like to keep it clean.
So, the day after Alfred, I went out to clean it and guess what?
I found where all her ants had gone: into my car.
Thousands of them in the door seals everywhere.
Because I, too, am a genius, I got my blower, went into the car and let rip.
What that achieved was blowing thousands of quite angry ants in my eyes and all over my face and body.
I started thrashing around like a spoilt boy with all his toys out of the cot and headbutted the rear view mirror, splitting my scone open.
Plan A was a failure.
I went into the house to get instructions and was met with a fair bit of mirth from the myrmecologist who seemed happy I had found her ants.
She tried to be sympathetic but did struggle somewhat as I stood there bleeding, whining and scratching.
She calmly handed me the black Mortein can (apparently the really strong one) and with either a nice smile or a look of hope and anticipation said, “Here, this will work but try not to asphyxiate yourself”.
Ashley Robinson is chairman of the Sunshine Coast Falcons and Sunshine Coast Thunder Netball, and a lifetime Sunshine Coast resident.
