Last week, I had a strange chain of events that took me a while to work out.
We have lived in the same house for 28 years, which pretty much means that, apart from the hoarding and clutter, I know exactly where everything is … well, one would think so.
As I walked along the veranda, I rammed my head into a post. Yes, that’s right: a post that has been in the same spot for 28 years.
So, I was pretty surprised when I nearly knocked myself out and put a slight gash in my generous forehead that, because of blood thinners, bled like I had been attacked by Freddy Kruger.
Because I have a head like a coconut, the knock made a hell of a bang – as did I, when I let a few expletives go and Old Mate came out and asked, “What did you do that for?” through muffled giggling.
I replied that I just wanted to give myself blinding pain and discomfort.
That got more laughter.
So, off I went into the world with a Band-Aid on my scone to complement my missing front teeth that I am waiting for the tooth fairy to bring. I was looking like a really good sort.
The teeth thing is a whole other story. While I am waiting for them, I have a retainer. But that day, I forgot it.
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I did feel a little vague and by the afternoon I had to go visit my mate Sami.
I parked where I always park, pushed the button for the lift and got in when the doors opened. But the nice lady said: “This is going to the basement. That’s your lift next door.”
I thanked her and added: “I shouldn’t be allowed out, should I?”
So, I get to Sami and was trying to sit in her high office chair. I couldn’t get it to go down to ‘short, old man position’, so I was stuck up in the air like an angry midget, swearing that it was broken.
It turns out that I was pulling the wrong lever – much to the delight of the people in the room. Again, I said, “I shouldn’t be allowed out.”
It then occurred to me that maybe I had mild concussion – something I was actually happy about, as I can’t afford to get any dumber. It reminded me about when I went to a neurologist. He said that when he first saw me, he thought he had hit the jackpot. But the inside turned out not as bad as the outside. Maybe it’s time for another visit …
Or I could run with that famous quote: “There is no confusion like the confusion of a simple mind.” Amen.
Ashley Robinson is chairman of the Sunshine Coast Falcons and Sunshine Coast Thunder Netball, and a lifetime Sunshine Coast resident.
