After 12 weeks of being home (by far the longest in my long marriage to Old Mate), I had a view into the window of retirement, and I didn’t much like what I saw.
I didn’t understand that she has an instruction manual on every mundane duty around the house, and it has to be followed stringently or there are consequences.
Let’s start in the kitchen.
There is a way to put a lid on a Tupperware container, but I apparently have not followed that procedure for 41 years.
I might add that trying to find something in the Tupperware cupboard has been like the Bermuda Triangle for me our entire life together and “bend over and have a proper look, you idiot” hasn’t helped.
There is also a way to extract every possible bit of soup out of a satchel, not by ripping the top off and dumping it in a bowl like I do.
“Use scissors, cutting it neatly, and then starting from the bottom methodically, you moron” apparently works better.
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Turn the kettle off, shut the crisper drawer properly, don’t put the tomatoes on the bottom and make sure you use the right-size Flex’N Seal sandwich bags – just a few other issues I cause.
As we are both getting hard of hearing, apparently, I talk to her as I am walking away, which causes undue stress for both parties.
So, I have to get better at that … even though, when I am vacuuming, she can start a conversation from another room.
But that’s okay.
The hearing thing is not a massive deal. I would much rather function with some loss of hearing rather than sight or taste, as I am not missing much positive stuff coming my way.
Driving together is a whole other experience: it is like having an agitated highway patrol officer sitting beside, with a different interpretation of road rules and an enthusiastic desire to enforce them.
Just on rules, I did learn one from her the other day.
I put the bin out a day early, but apparently leaving bins on the kerbside is an offence and the council will act on a complaint and issue a warning if a bin is left out for longer than three days (three days being the day before, the day of and the day after collection).
Sadly, Old Mate is probably right about all of the above, but I am not looking out that window for a while longer.
Ashley Robinson is chairman of Sunshine Coast Falcons and Sunshine Coast Thunder Netball and a lifetime Sunshine Coast resident.
