Well, I know I said it would be every two weeks that this 400 words of mediocrity will appear, but apparently I misunderstood.
What a surprise.
If you never read last week’s column – my first for more than three months – you will have no idea what I am talking about.
In a nutshell, I have not worked for more than 12 weeks.
I have been home for that period, and that’s by far the longest stint since I have been married.
It’s been a window to look into regarding retirement and let me say, folks, that window is not a pretty view.
I said last week I now know how I have been married for 41 years: I have rarely been home in that time.
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I was always busy doing something and if I had nothing to do, I would find something.
So, to preserve my marriage, I needed to get a job.
At one stage, I hoped it to be town hall (not the gardener, the mayor), but that never worked out.
So, after 12 weeks of vacuuming and being bird butler, I needed to get away from Old Mate before she did something bad to me.
Strangely, I was under the impression I had been helpful around the place.
But just last week, my granddaughter told me I was a big, fat, lazy pig – Omah (Old Mate) does everything.
Now, I wonder where she got that from?
Anyway, we did get some things done in these three months.
Just the day before I went to my new job, it was decided to clean out the garage.
Once we got into it, I actually started enjoying it until we got to trying to roll up a hail cover for Old Mate’s car and get it into the bag provided (it had been in a pile in the corner for the past six months).
Regular readers will know I am a very bad folder.
In fact, I can’t fold a tea towel properly, let alone a car cover with a rubber roof.
It’s a childhood affliction that comes from my dad calling me an idiot when he tried to get me to help fold his tarp for the truck.
Old Mate is an expert at folding, so she supervised, but it was beating her as well.
The last straw was me laying on the bloody thing in the driveway, trying to get a round peg in a square hole and her laughing that much she had to go to the toilet.
It was a great way to end my sabbatical.
I haven’t heard her laugh that much since I sat on my umbrella at a wedding and ripped the fork out of my suit pants.
Love you, dear.
See you one day a week.
Ashley Robinson is Chairman of Sunshine Coast Falcons and Sunshine Coast Thunder Netball and a lifetime Sunshine Coast resident.
