This is a tale of a blocked toilet, a toasted sandwich and Sean Connery.
My son and the cutest dog in the world went for only the second time in my child’s life for a sleepover at my mum’s house – just the three of them.
I was so happy and drove him and our poodle to Brisbane for his four-day staycation to the house I grew up in.
I jokingly told my 10-year-old, the black fluff ball and my 83-year-old mother to behave, and I drove into the sunset.
Well, I drove straight to the KFC drive-through before hitting the highway, but the sun was setting.
All went well and I was feeling smug that my boy and his grandma were bonding, just like in the movies.
Having one less child and dog at home meant I had more time to do the 98,303 jobs I’ve put off all year.
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The next day, however, my phone rang with the sound of impending doom as my panicked mum told me the two toilets in her house were blocked.
My boy has autism, so some things in life are tricky.
He had tried to clean up after his poodle, which had done his doggy business on the floor of the bathroom, and flushed it down the loo.
No big deal … except the fact my boy used two entire rolls of toilet paper.
Yes, cardboard cylinders and all.
Then, he had stood in some of the doggy-do, so used a third entire roll in the other toilet trying to clean his foot.
And for good measure, he threw the dog’s soft plush toy down the loo as it, too, had to be washed.
This story was all narrated to me on speaker phone with my mum in a bit of a state.
But my mother is no wilting flower.
The plucky woman pulled herself together, drove to the hardware shop and bought lotions and potions and long sticks and suction devices with a mission on her mind: to unblock her toilets.
After many phone calls and failed attempts, I finally called a plumber who saved the day.
That night, my mother and my son and the guilty fluff ball were tucked up in her bed eating toasted cheese sandwiches because nothing in this world beats a toasted cheese sandwich after a bit of stress.
They were watching From Russia With Love, starring Sean Connery as James Bond.
I asked the pair and the pup if they were all okay and my hilarious mother replied, “Yes, darling. Sean Connery is quite the balm for any form of anxiety.”
So, my advice to get through the bumpy bits of the year ahead: a hot and crunchy cheese sandwich in bed while watching a sexy Scotsman.
It’s an elixir for the soul. Thanks, mum.
Sami Muirhead is a radio announcer, blogger and commentator. For more from Sami, tune into Mix FM.
