Oxymoron, penthouse to outhouse and back, and rocks and diamonds could all describe things that happen in our house under the guidance of Old Mate.
Let me explain.
Everything we buy at the supermarket must be on special unless it is a necessity.
She delights in bringing home the docket with how much she has saved in a shop, and she is obsessed with how it all works.
Just the other day, when I got home from work, she had bought some Kettle chips in a new flavour: Bundaberg Ginger Beer.
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She says to me: “We need to try these as they go off special tonight.”
So, I try one and mention it’s pretty good.
She tries one, then shoves a whole handful in her mouth, saying how good they are and adds “Get back up there and buy some more” as I get sprayed with crumbs.
When I get back, she tells me we saved $24.
Get my drift?
Now this doesn’t apply to food for the menagerie, which is a whole other set of rules.
Take George the dog, for instance.
He gets topside wagyu as it has no fat and is easy for me to cut up – apparently.
I get sausages when they are on special; he gets wagyu when needed and with no price check required.
It gets better. She feeds her birds passionfruit which, at the time of writing, were $2.50 each.
No drama – we need 20.
Did I mention she is obsessed with Origin Energy’s Spike promo each month, when I have to run around and switch everything off for an hour so we can get a bonus on our power bill?
She is that vigilant that just the other day, she comes running into the bathroom to tell me I can’t use the hot water before the spike hour as it has to “refill”.
I inform her it is cold shower, so she relaxes – sort of.
I then get told, “If you want me to cook dinner, it will be after 8pm or you can have a salad and a tin of fish.”
Geez, she is focused.
So, I had a $2 can of fish and lovingly prepared salad, while George hoed down on wagyu.
After I recovered from that, I asked her how much we had saved in the last year or so.
She scratched her head and said she thought it was about $300.
I was just about to say, “I have been sitting in the dark, no TV, cold showers for nearly two years and we only …!”
But then I thought, “Hey, that’s 120 passionfruit. Well done!”
Ashley Robinson is the manager of Alex Surf Club and the chairman of the Sunshine Coast Falcons.
