I dropped into the Sea FM radio station the other day to do an ad for work and ended up on air with Juelz and Seamus.
I was asked what I regularly lie about, as part of a phone-in topic with listeners.
Mine was weight: I always shave off a few kilos when someone asks me what I weigh.
Occasionally, I may understate how many beers I have had, but both fibs are pretty easy to see through.
It got me thinking about a big lie I was involved in back in the ’90s.
I was over in Adelaide at the grand prix as a guest of a wine company.
My workmate and I were the life of the party amid our little gang of middle-aged couples.
On the last night, we are having a ripping time in a pub when all of a sudden my male partner gets hit with a flying boiled potato, followed by a few more.
He identifies a bloke in a three-piece suit chucking them at him from across the room and basically yells out that if he throws one more, he will get his block knocked off.
Next minute, a chap comes over in a top hat with a bottle of Moet and apologies.
He tells us to ignore his friend (“He is daddy’s commodities broker”) and starts pouring champagne for everyone.
He asks us what we do for a living and my mate pipes up “Shoot wrestlers in Japan”, which fascinates him.
Everyone in our group is in shock but starts nodding their heads and the lie grows in stature as my friend spins him a massive yarn.
Moet boy brings his friends over to hear all about it.
One of them is Paddy McNally, who basically ran Formula 1 at the time.
Turns out Moet boy is Holmes a Court and he starts telling us about his race horses.
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It is out of control.
Our group is squirming; his group is fascinated.
He invites us to the F1 after-party but we all bolt as it has gone way too far.
The next day at the airport, we are walking to our gate and, bugger me, Paddy McNally is in a bar and yells out: “Wait, fellas, I want you to meet Nigel. I have told him all about you two.”
Nigel Mansell, that is, former world champ, and probably the only time in his life he is getting brushed by two fat punters.
By the way, I’m 97 kilos, not 94, and I had four beers last night, not two.
I should have learnt my lesson in Adelaide.
Ashley Robinson is the manager of Alex Surf Club and the chairman of the Sunshine Coast Falcons.
