Independent and FREE - 2021 Best Online Publication

How’s the serenity — or not! Why Sami hates camping

Independent and FREE – 2021 Best Online Publication (Qld Country Press)

How’s the serenity — or not! Why Sami hates camping


How's the serenity — or not! Why Sami Muirhead really hates camping

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Hi! My name is Sami, and I am not a camper. I have always felt a little ashamed of this. I love a hotel room. I love room service and fancy sheets. I love a resort pool. I even love just being home in my bedroom.

This admission makes me a little unAustralian, and I have hidden the knowledge that I am terrified of tents my entire life for fear of being labelled a snob or a wimp. Why do I dislike camping? Let me count the ways.

  1. You spend days packing everything, from plastic wine glasses to portable toilets.
  2. Dirt, grime, sweat and general ickiness (this includes wearing thongs while having a shower).
  3. Sleeping in a swag (feels like a coffin) or a tent means you spend the entire night listening to rustling sleeping bags and stressing if any wild animals will break into the tent and put you out of your misery.
  4. A cup of coffee is a cooking procedure not a pleasure.
  5. Packing up and then heading home to unpack all over again and wash off the mud and dust and sand off every single tiny item you packed.

I know everyone will say sleeping under the stars trumps all these small issues, but I am yet to be convinced, people!

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I have just arrived home from the Dunga Derby – Rally for a Cause. We put together a bash car thanks to very generous local companies and dressed up as Batman and Batgirl.

Off we went through remote routes around southeast Queensland. It raised half a million dollars for charity and the people who received the money are very well deserving.

The charity pays for things such as funerals for those who cannot afford it, a new kitchen for a family where the mum has been diagnosed with a brain cancer. It is powerful stuff.

Great people. Great scenery. Great fun. Except for the camping.

It didn’t help that naughty Todd who I work with cable-tied shut my swag with me inside it, placed a fake snake everywhere I went to terrify me and poured ice-cold water over me when it was two degrees. I ended up getting a chopper home because I was a bit pathetic.

If I do Dunga Derby next year (they may not want this princess back) the deal will have to be motel rooms every night.