The celebrity chef appeared on an episode of her BBC2 series Cook Eat Repeat, with a legitimate segment on how best to butter your toast. I was sucked in immediately with this story. You see I love Nigella. I think she is the sexiest woman on the planet. She has this ability to throw on a British cardigan and say anything at all and it sounds like a classy movie or at the very least, like subliminal messages of seduction.
Have you heard her talk about roast dinners? There is always an indecent amount of descriptions such as “moist, round chicken breasts” and “plump bits of meat prime for being forced into submission” and “juicy sweet carrots”. Oh Nigella! You saucy little strumpet with that plum-in-your-mouth-perfect-enunciation! You make everything sound so much better.
So back to her toast, because to be honest, she is probably the only soul in the world who could offer words on how to butter your breakfast that would cause the internet to melt. Nigella double butters her toast.
“The moment this came out of the toaster and was lovely and hot, I spread it with butter,” she says to camera. “Stage two now, ready for it, I need a little more butter and it will stay in some golden patches on the surface. I also use unsalted butter, which I always prefer to use, but what I need to do is sprinkle some sea salt flakes over it. This is the platonic ideal of toast,” she finishes.
I am rushing out to buy thick white bread to do just this. And now that it is Christmas, we can layer it up with thick slices of ham, smother it in cranberry sauce, and the world will be perfect.
One of the hottest items for a gift this year is a set of scales that measure your body weight and rates your inner heath. Any family member reading this column, please note I can think of nothing I would hate more than these scales. Just buy me a loaf of bread and I will be a happy girl.