I certainly have plenty of history when it comes to stumbling through life from one Homer Simpson debacle to another.
You know, vacant look and “Doh” when I realise what I have done.
One of my most famous on a long list was many years ago when I came home after a rather late night as full as the last bus and crawled into bed trying not to wake up the bomb thrower on the other side, which seemed to work a treat.
Amazingly, I woke up early to go to work and being the caring person I am, left the lights off so as not to disturb the scary woman, went into the bathroom to brush my teeth in the dark, which was all fine except instead of toothpaste I used retinol?
The funny thing about that was I clearly remember having to really squeeze the tube hard to get anything to come out, which still never tipped me off that something was the matter.
The gagging, vomiting, gargling and mad brushing of teeth with toothpaste, of course, did wake up old mate, who proceeded to stand beside me and tell me it was God’s way of punishing me as she laughed hysterically.
I could go on and on recounting my rich history of stupidity but more recently I discovered something that had been puzzling me for about a year.
I have a favourite pair of runners and about a year ago I bought a set of what were supposed to be A Grade innersoles to go with them.
In typical Homer Simpson fashion, never put two and two together that shortly after the shoes became very slippery to run or walk in.
Those shoes were retired to the bench for lawn mowing duties and a new pair were purchased at considerable expense.
Just last week I decided to take the inner soles out of my mowing shoes and wash them. It was then I realised the shiny yellow surface was actually supposed to be face down and the dimpled part with the traction was actually the top.
They were in upside down.
