If the creators of “An Idiot Abroad” want to reinvent the series, I have an episode ready to go.
I recently went to Bali for a week, after not being there since February 2020 because of COVID.
Previous to that, I have had about 20 trips to the island, mostly to deal with a family matter, and certainly enough times to learn the language but never have because I am an idiot.
This time around, I decided to get out of the hustle and bustle and head north to Tanah Lot for a few days, to rice paddies and beaches, perfect.
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My little brother Mahoyda took me up there and dropped me off, with his last words being “it won’t rain today” (an important point for later).
It was a really nice spot and the young guy who helped me get sorted mentioned something about the key in the door and I just smiled and nodded thinking I won’t need to lock up out here.
I then went for a 90-minute walk in the blistering heat, only to get back and find that they had locked me out (the key conversation) and there was a 10m fence and massive door that I couldn’t get over.
Everyone had left except for a guy laying tiles who just said “no english” when I tried to talk him into getting over the fence.
He pointed to a door which I knocked on and a cool looking surfie dude came out and I managed to explain my predicament.
He got over the fence without falling in the pool and proved to me that I would have had no chance and would have been sleeping in the driveway (important later).
He reluctantly took $10 from me and left laughing.
I then decided to go out on my scooter to get something to eat just on dusk.
I took the door key but no underpants or phone.
I rode for about 3km and it started raining, in fact pouring, so I pulled under a shelter on the side of the road.
Electrical storm and monsoon rain, I was under there for about 70 minutes as the storm raged. I was joined by about six other locals on scooters with lots of giggling about the weather.
It just kept pouring so eventually I decided to head back, whichever way that was as everything looked completely different in a monsoon when it was pitch black except for the lightning.
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‘Do I turn this way or that?’ I thought.
‘I didn’t remember seeing that building or that two feet of water over the road.
‘What if I can’t find my way back?
‘I have no phone, no undies, and I am saturated.
‘Where am I going to sleep?’
Thankfully, by pure luck, I found my digs, after a few prayers and a couple of curses regarding Mahoyda’s weather knowledge?
Footnote – the surfer dude who didn’t want to take my money owned the villa I found out the next day.
‘An Idiot Abroad’ Season 22 has plenty of material.
Ashley Robinson is a columnist with Sunshine Coast News and My Weekly Preview. His views are his own.
