I am sick of dealing with Syagrus romanzoffiana. It is driving me mad. Now, before you think I have gone mad, it was discovered in South America, named after a Russian Imperial chancellor in the 1700s and brought to our shores by a bloody Scotsman in the 1820s.
And, as far as I know, the only ones happy about it are tree trimmers and bats.
Yes, I am talking about bloody cocos palms and by the way, you Ruskies and Scots, it’s a weed. So, thanks a lot.
We have heaps of them surrounding our house and if I had my way, they would be gone. But Old Mate loves them. So, there is your answer.
They have branches that systematically drop after the green bin is already full. And what about the massive by-product? They have fruit you can’t eat: unless you have wings or are a possum.
I mention this because I have OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) and stuff like this drives me nuts, literally.
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I am waiting for the tree trimmer to come to get some seed pods that are out of my reach. They are massive and have been a buffet for the bats, which then unload on my car like they have ‘Bali belly’.
With recent winds, I have spent hours picking the fruit up as it ripens. It is very stressful – particularly while I am picking them up and others are falling on my head. Old Mate thinks it’s hilarious.
The other day I had some time off. It was raining and blowing its head off. So, I decided to watch a movie – something I rarely do during the day. As I settled into it, all I could hear was fruit dropping. I became determined to fix it.
My long-suffering neighbour was going to work, but I asked him if he had a ladder longer than mine. All of sudden, he was sucked into my mission.
No ladder but he had an extension saw that he put together. But it wouldn’t start. When it did, it wouldn’t saw … all while we were standing in the rain.
He promised to bring home a big ladder the next day, but after he left, my OCD kicked in. I backed up my little ute to the fence, put my ladder in the back and, at a stretch, managed to get 980 of the 1000 red nuts to the ground.
Mission nearly accomplished and no ambulance needed. If Workplace Health and Safety was looking for a training video on unnecessary risk by an idiot, this was it. I wonder if the Russians and Scots would like some pandanus palms.
Ashley Robinson is Mets Caloundra CEO, chairman of Thunder Netball and a lifetime Sunshine Coast resident.
