I need to stop watching reality TV about house flipping.
I would like an intervention because chicken Twisties and house renovation shows are no longer a guilty secret, but bordering on a full-blown obsession that, ironically, stop me from cleaning my own home.
My couch addiction and its side effects are quite obvious when I try to squeeze into my jeans.
And nothing good comes from watching house renovation shows.
The hosts are always genetically blessed and stop midway through a messy concrete pour to make some macrame pot plant holders to send to orphans overseas.
The actual houses are simply too beautiful compared with my home which smells like a zoo that has been boarded up in the rain for two months.
All my husband hears about is how we do not have a Mexican-inspired arch entrance with cactus plant in our foyer or actual gold embedded in the ensuite walls.
This is a real thing.
I present to you Hamish Blake and Zoe Foster Blake’s gazillion-dollar new mansion, unveiled in Sydney.
The whole damn thing is pink.
Even the kitchen. And the toilet.
And yet somehow it looks incredibly cool.
The radio funnyman and the make-up empire business wizard are a pink powerhouse of money, taste and ambition.
If I painted our house salmon, it would look like The Pink Poodle in the glory days of Meter Maids and the Gold Coast.
But not Hamish and Zoe. Nope. In their spare time from making LEGO shows, they have whipped up a rambling rose ranch that is so boujee, it hurts my heart.
Before COVID, I once met Hamish and he was a total delight.
I was with my mother-in-law Betty who is beautiful trouble.
Betty is Irish Catholic, loves a tipple and tells a fabulous tale.
When we spotted Hamish in the booth next to us at The German Club, we were both a little star-struck.
So, we ordered two more bottles of wine.
We were grounded for the rest of the night as we could not possibly walk past him on the way to the toilets: we didn’t want Hamish seeing our curvy butts.
Betty took great pleasure in telling Hamish this story when we plucked up the courage to purge to him later in the night.
Hamish was the perfect gentleman and with a twinkle in his eye, humbly commented he thought we were both stunning women.
Well played, Hamish.
You made a lady in her 70s and a middle-aged mum very happy … some would even say as rosy as your ensuite.
Sami Muirhead is a radio announcer, blogger and commentator. For more from Sami, tune into Mix FM.
