Sian McNamara will never have the opportunity to meet her daughter Rosie, or the eight other children she has lost during pregnancies.
Now through her grief she is hoping to shine an important light on child loss with a simple but meaningful ‘rainbow bench’ at Happy Valley.
Speaking with Sunshine Coast News, Ms McNamara said the bench would be a place of hope, healing and reflection where other grieving families could come to know they are not alone.
But in an unexpected roadblock, when Ms McNamara applied to Sunshine Coast Council to install the self-funded bench, the application was refused.
Ms McNamara claimed the Council’s response was that “child loss isn’t an issue of social significance to the Sunshine Coast community”.
However a council spokesperson told SCN the request was originally rejected as it was submitted as a commemorative memorial enquiry, and staff were looking at alternate solutions.
Spurred by the rejection, the former-lawyer and current psychology honours student has since begun a petition that now has more than 1400 signatures supporting the rainbow bench.
While often a taboo subject, miscarriage and child loss are slowly generating more awareness in Australia and the term ‘rainbow baby’ has become common to describe a successful pregnancy after a loss.
According to Red Nose Australia, every year around 110,000 Australians have a miscarriage. Further to this 2200 women endure the pain of stillbirth, 600 lose their baby in the first 28 days after birth and many more face the grief of termination for medical reasons.
October also marks International Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month and Ms McNamara hoped the rainbow bench would be a timely reminder to not silence the issue.
Ms McNamara endured a distressing miscarriage in May this year, losing her daughter Rosie not long after the first trimester.
In a devastating triple blow, Rosie was originally a triplet, with three foetuses found during a four-week scan. By the eight-week scan, Ms McNamara learnt two of the foetuses had not survived but was hopeful she would have the chance to welcome Rosie into the world.
She and her husband Cam have a seven-year-old son together but across the years have sadly experienced eight miscarriages.
From personal experience Ms McNamara said there was a lack of support for families who experience child loss and a culture of “get up and keep going” after a tragic event unfolds.
She said the bench would help fill a void of somewhere to grieve, reflect or connect with people with shared experiences.
“When you lose a child in this way, you don’t go to a cemetery and you do not want to be at home because you’ve collected bits and bobs for when the baby arrives,” she said.
“There are scans on the fridge, maternity clothes in the wardrobes and pregnancy vitamins on the bench – so what do you do?
“It’s not something we discuss, and I realise this is not an issue that just affects me and my family.
“I hope the bench will normalise conversations between people who have been impacted by child loss and they can start to heal.”
A council spokesperson told Sunshine Coast News staff were looking at alternate solutions.
“Sunshine Coast Council offers its sincere sympathies to the McNamara family for their loss,” the spokesperson said.
“The initial request to install a rainbow bench at Happy Valley came to the Community Land Permits team as a Commemorative Memorial enquiry.
“While it does not fit with this particular policy, council is looking into this request further and will liaise directly with the family in the near future.
“We thank the family for their understanding and patience, acknowledging this is a difficult time for them.”
Ms McNamara said the community support had been overwhelming for the rainbow bench and hoped for a positive outcome where similar benches could be installed across the entire region.
If you, or someone you know, needs help call the 24/7 Red Nose Grief and Loss Support Line on 1300 308 307 or visit rednosegriefandloss.org.au.
