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SOMETIMES as parents we can forget how challenging growing up is. One of the greatest difficulties that our tots and teens face is getting a grip on their emotions. When things don't go their own way (like many adults) our children can be swamped in negative emotions.
One of the tricky things about dealing with our children's emotions is that while we want to support them, it can be difficult if they project their negativity toward us or other family members. The first step in responding to your emotional child is to take a look at your own emotions. Remember, there is little point in engaging with your child if you are already feeling stressed and anxious yourself. If you do engage whilst feeling strong emotions yourself, you will only inflame the negativity that is already there.
So if you find yourself having an emotional reaction to their emotion, take a 30 second "time out". Breathe deeply, ask yourself which beliefs are triggering your own emotion and then choose to let them go. Replace whatever unpleasant feelings you were experiencing with love for yourself and your child. If you're not able to let go of your emotion - simply name the emotion and apologise to your kids or teens e.g. Rose I'd really like to support you right now, however I'm feeling very stressed or overwhelmed. Naming without blaming will relieve some tension, which will then allow you to take the next step more gracefully.
Once you're feeling more in love with yourself and your child the next step is to not accept their laying blame on you or treating you badly because of the way they feel. When this is happening I usually coach parents to kindly request that they their child goes to their room if they want to be negative towards others in their family. It sends a clear message to our children that while it is okay for them to choose to be angry, frustrated, sad etc. It's not okay to try to inflict and blame their emotions on other people in the home.
It's essential that this 'time-out' is not delivered as a punishment. You are simply maintaining the integrity of the home while giving your child space to ground, connect with themselves and transform their emotion. You are acknowledging that they are the only one who can shift their emotional state and they will be more able to do this if they are not blaming other family members.
If your child is having difficulty in coming through the other side they may appreciate your loving presence. This has to be done very respectfully. Before you approach them make sure you are feeling at peace. If you are not, give yourself a few minutes to simply breathe and let go of your negative emotions. Become present with your breath and observe any negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself and child and let them go.
Once you are at peace, ask your child whether you may come and sit down. If they say 'no' respect their wishes (unless they are at risk of causing harm to themselves and your home!). If they say 'yes' simply come in and sit with them while also being conscious of respecting their space. You may ask them to share what they are feeling if they would like. If they don't want to talk, just by being present and feeling love, joy and peace within yourself you will give them the space to share and transform whatever is happening for them. In this way you are both healed.

Dixon Hammer (www.theliberatedparent.com)