I OFTEN think that parents tend to be only as happy as their most miserable child, so if one of your children is being bullied or excluded from friendship groups, then the parents suffer as well.
There are a number of things that parents can do to help if their child is being targeted in some way. The first is simply being alert to possible signs of bullying. Reluctance to attend school, behaviour problems, missing or damaged property, or simply being unhappy, are warning signals that should prompt you to check with your child and their teachers as to whether bullying or exclusion is occurring. If your child is new at their school, has difficulty making friends, or is different in some way, then these factors can make them more of a target.
Of course, it is important for parents to give their child a lot of emotional support. Encourage them to avoid places where bullying is most likely to occur and to hang around others who treat them well. But this is often hard to do if bullying is occurring in their class or in their group of friends. You can also explore with your child to see if they are contributing by either being annoying in some way or retaliating with hurtful behaviour. If this is the case, then changing their own behaviour may produce different responses from their peers.
Schools are in a position to help as well. So find out the right person to speak with at your child's school and work together with them. Schools have a range of interventions ranging from aligning friendly students with your child, conducting anti-bullying lessons, or engaging students to do their part in helping your child to be happier at school. Although it is tempting to think that schools simply need to come down hard on the bullies, punitive approaches, such as keeping students in class during lunchtimes, suspension, etc, are not appropriate with less overt forms of bullying such as exclusion from friendship groups and can sometimes drive the bullying underground.
Ken Warren is a leading Relationship Counsellor. Check out his free articles through
www.kenwarren.com.au
